We hold mom’s in high esteem and believe they hold a special place in every wedding, not just as a parent but as a guiding force behind the scenes. The mother of the bride is an indispensable part of the wedding day. She provides wisdom, love and an extra set of hands when it is needed the most. Her role is both significant and irreplaceable, shaping the wedding day in ways that are both seen and unseen.

From the early stages of planning to the final moments of the wedding day, a mothers involvement can make a world of difference. Here is a guide to the key duties that typically fall to the mother of the bride.

Being Her Rock

The most important roles you will play is that of the emotional supporter to your daughter. Wedding planning can be stressful, and your daughter will likely turn to you for guidance, reassurance, and a listening ear. You’ll need to be strong during this role because you will be helping her navigate tough decisions and keeping her calm and focused.

A Trusted Advisor

As the mother of the bride you will be involved in most aspects of wedding planning. You may be helping your daughter choose a venue, select her wedding dress or decide on a color scheme. Your experience and wisdom can provide invaluable insights, helping her make decision that align with her vision and your budget. Couples today have crazy schedules, sometimes it’s best to divide and conquer so you might consider taking on certain tasks for your daughter to help ease some of the stress of planning.

Assist in Curating a Guest List

A guest list will need to be curated of all the VIP’s you want to invite. First discuss the guest count with your daughter and make sure your budget can accommodate the number of guests invited. Don’t forget to also get with the groom-to-be’s parents and let them know the number of people you are prepared for them to invite. The invitations will need to be ordered as soon as possible, and the guest list is crucial to making your stationary order. If you find the number of guests need to be reduced, have a discussion with the groom-to-be’s parents as well and ask them to also reduce the number of guests on their list. This can be a stressor for both sides, but handled with grace and kindness it is definitely something that can be handled with a little bit of team work.

Help Manage the Budget

Wedding Budgets are the elephant in the room that everyone seems to be afraid to talk about. In order to avoid unwanted surprises, it’s important to create a budget before any wedding purchases are made. Traditionally the father and mother of the bride pay for some or most of the wedding. Today’s couples are willing to pitch in some or all of the funds for the wedding. This is something that can be determined when the budget is discussed. If your daughter plans to foot the bill for this celebration, and you want to contribute financially be sure to let your daughter know early in the planning process so she can factor that money into her budget. Even if you don’t contribute financially, you can still help the couple budge and decide how much to spend to create the wedding day of their dreams.

The Behind-the-Scenes Helper

In many cases the mother of the bride will be involved with coordinating florists, caterers, photographers and other vendors. This would include attending meetings, reviewing contracts and assisting in finalizing details. Those attention to detail skills you used when raising your daughter will come in to play here-organization is key to successfully planning a wedding.

Managing Family Dynamics

Weddings bring together a wide range of family members who usually have differing opinions or expectations. While this is your daughters day and her opinions and expectations are really all that matter, you may just find yourself in the role of mediator helping to navigate any any conflicts or disagreements that arise. You’ll need to keep the peace and make sure everyone feels valued creating a harmonious atmosphere.

Seek Out Traditions

There are lots of wedding traditions that vary from culture to culture. In the US there has been a long standing tradition of finding the bride something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. This is a responsibility of the mother of the bride.

If you have a veil, garter, jewelry, lace or a photo that might be something she wants to use as her something old or something borrowed-be sure to tell her early on in the planning, and definitely before she settles on a wedding dress. I have had many brides that sew a piece of lace from their mom’s dress in the hem of their dress, or tie a locket from the grandmother on the wrap of their bouquet. There are many opportunities to incorporate meaningful items into wedding day attire and decor.

Hosting or Assisting with Pre-Wedding Events: The Planner Extraordinare

Traditionally the mother of the bride is responsible for hosting or co-hosting pre-wedding events like bridal showers or an engagement party. These are all wonderful opportunities to celebrate your daughter and this huge milestone in her life. Your personal touches will will help create lasting, memorable moments for you and your daughter.

Selecting Your Attire: Complementing the Wedding Aesthetic

Finding that perfect dress is another important duty. You are of course focusing on the bride, but the mother of the bride’s outfit should also reflect the style and formality of the wedding. I have only had one occasion that the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom wore the same dress, yikes! To avoid this happening communication is key and you will want to coordinate with the mother of the groom to ensure that your outfits complement (not match) each other and the overall wedding aesthetic.

A Calm Voice

For most mothers of the bride, your duties don’t end on the wedding day itself. Not only will you need to get ready yourself, you will be helping your daughter get ready, make sure the wedding party is where they need to be when they need to be, and making sure that the day goes off without a hitch by managing any last minute issues that may arise. These duties can be daunting, you might consider enlisting the help of a professional wedding planner and coordinator to help alleviate you of some of these responsibilities so you can enjoy this time making memories with your daughter. We help many mothers and their daughters focus on making memories instead of working the entire day.

Sharing Special Moments

In the midst of all the work be sure to take some time to enjoy the day and savor the special moments that it brings. That quiet conversation with your daughter before she walks down the aisle or a special mother daughter dance together during the reception are the memories you will both cherish for years to come.

There are many duties of the mother of the bride, all varied and meaningful, each offering a unique way to support your daughter during one of the most important times of her life. Handling these responsibilities with love, patience and a spirit of collaboration will help your daughter create a beautiful wedding day but also strengthen the bond you share with your daughter as she steps into this new chapter of her life.

📸-Tim Waters Photography